helllo, it's been a while.
i can't tell if anyone's reading, but im sure nobody wants to read emo posts, so i dont blame anyone. and i guess everyone's tired of giving sympathy too.

but lets keep the whole "life sucks" notion out of anything im saying today, because this post shall serve as a mere update on what's been going on, and why i havent really been updating very much.

i have a submission this coming monday. which honestly sucks because i don't have very much time for anything else except work.

and when you think of it. i don't have very much else to update on! wow. ahahhaha.
next time then. im blogging only because i hit a hump which derailed my train of thought.
the well of inspiration is running dry.

argh.

back from camp.

if i were being honest, when the time came for church camp 2006 i went with the wrong motives. i went because my best friends i grew up with, my new best friend who i couldn't stop talking to, and all the people i enjoy spending time with went. the games, even the messages were fun though most of it was spent doodling on the pieces of paper meant for taking notes.

this year i went, feeling even less prepared. i felt screwed up, awkward, and fatigued from what i could term as a series of unfortunate events. put plainly, i wasn't looking for to camp, and i was cursing myself for turning down the class kl trip.

the night before camp as i prayed before i went to bed. i prayed it God would let it go how he wanted it to go, and that i couldn't do anything anymore. i gave up trying, and i just committed everything to God. of course at that point in time it didn't occur to me that it was a superpower i was relying on. i just wanted to get things off my mind and sleep well for the first time in a few days.

sure enough, camp went well.
the activities weren't as fun, but it enjoyed every one thoroughly.
the messages were amazing, and though i was practically sleeping through some, they were the definitely the most fruitful thus far because they got into my head. i wasn't focused on the wrong things.
it wasn't awkward at all too.
and all this,
simply because i gave up.

hard to see sometimes the biggest mistake you make in life is to try too hard.
you know i said life is a road?

maybe its about time you take the backseat and sober up,
and let God do the driving.





thank You, and you.

friendships are forged by the capacity of the heart, tested by the flames of trial, and worn by the waves of time.
i hope this was set it stone.

life is like a journey (so they say), where every once in a while you hit a crossroad.
you're presented with two options(most of the time) walk one way, and you head down a road where you get pelted by rocks, roasted alive, and have to go for miles, trudging knee-deep in monkey crap, but you know in the end if you make it out alive, you'd probably be a lot better than when you started.
walk the other way, and you get everything you get in other road, and when you're so optimistic about getting out of the shithole you're in, you hit another junction.
and you'd think you would be a little wiser to choose the right path, only to realise the beginning of each path is exactly the same so you can't tell what your outcome will be.

you try to tell yourself pick one, and eventually it'll be better.
but you realise invariably, for better or worse, you'll end up walking through the same shit over and over again, only consolation being that you're a 'better person' at the end of each trial.

you're beat, bruised, and totally miserable, with another two options for you to choose from.
you turn back, and realise its a long way from where you started, so going back wouldn't be any easier than moving forward, you look forward and you see the road extend beyond the horizon. you drag your heavy feet and heart forward, knowing that at this rate, you wont be able to go very far anyway.

so with a little less optimism and a little less strength, forward it is.
it probably wont last very much longer, for the road can go on forever,

...but you wont.

sorry. ):

to you,

i'm convinced you made the wrong choice for a best friend, and i'm so sorry i've not been the best friend i told myself to be. i'm sorry for everything and i hope you'll forgive me. i deserve to be alone where i can't burden anyone. you've done so much but all i've done is complain. i really deserve to die. thank you for everything.

love, dc.

i've lived 19 years of my life.
the most realistic feeling i've felt in my life, is pain.
and the most painful thing i've felt is to be forgotten.
and the most sustained is to feel dispensable.

by my own standards that should be quite a fulfilling life.
but then again, its been so short i probably don't know anything.

thank goodness it's been so short.
i might not be able to take it if it were very much longer


on a side note: HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD BIRTHDAY SHERYL PAT (: im hoping someone tells her for me coz she doesn't read my blog anyway.