it's good to know you're happy.

i always thought things screw up when you didn't do enough.
you forget to change the water and the fish die, you forget to do your homework and your grades suffer. ever felt like sometimes, maybe, for some things, things screw up when you do too much?

i don't know honestly.

are friends necessities? or commodities?
i've always seen friends as necessities. maybe i've been a little stupid.
don't put all your eggs into the same basket because when it gives way, you end up looking retarded, confused, and not knowing what action to take next. oh, not to mention very very icky. a little like me.

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today in church.

Han asked our class what was the most important thing in our lives now.
"friend/s? work? design? gaming? family?" i thought to myself almost instantaneously.

to which was the question posed: "what if God asked you to give it up? could you give it up?"

ever noticed when you put your finger to a baby's palm and he grips it so tightly it seems he never wants to let go?
and as you grow older, the age to strength proportion never really seems so prominent?
i guess thats how things should be. your willingness to let go should get stronger with maturity.

when i look at myself. i haven't grown at all. i cling to what i'm familiar with- with the ideals i have, with the values i deem important, and i never seem to have the willpower to let go.


now it when it feels like something is chiding me to let go, i'm still left asking myself:


could you give it up?


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Precious Lord, take my hand,
Lead me on, let me stand,
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn;
Through the storm, through the night,
Lead me on to the light:

Refrain

Take my hand, precious Lord,
Lead me home.

When my way grows drear,
Precious Lord, linger near,
When my life is almost gone,
Hear my cry, hear my call,
Hold my hand lest I fall:

Refrain

When the darkness appears
And the night draws near,
And the day is past and gone,
At the river I stand,
Guide my feet, hold my hand:

Refrain

today i talked to a friend online.
her best friend broke up with her boyfriend and was really depressed over what is supposed to the worst breakup her best friend has had.

days like these make thankful that i'm ugly and that nobody loves me.

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let me stay here alone.

~take me away, lifehouse

helllo, it's been a while.
i can't tell if anyone's reading, but im sure nobody wants to read emo posts, so i dont blame anyone. and i guess everyone's tired of giving sympathy too.

but lets keep the whole "life sucks" notion out of anything im saying today, because this post shall serve as a mere update on what's been going on, and why i havent really been updating very much.

i have a submission this coming monday. which honestly sucks because i don't have very much time for anything else except work.

and when you think of it. i don't have very much else to update on! wow. ahahhaha.
next time then. im blogging only because i hit a hump which derailed my train of thought.
the well of inspiration is running dry.

argh.

back from camp.

if i were being honest, when the time came for church camp 2006 i went with the wrong motives. i went because my best friends i grew up with, my new best friend who i couldn't stop talking to, and all the people i enjoy spending time with went. the games, even the messages were fun though most of it was spent doodling on the pieces of paper meant for taking notes.

this year i went, feeling even less prepared. i felt screwed up, awkward, and fatigued from what i could term as a series of unfortunate events. put plainly, i wasn't looking for to camp, and i was cursing myself for turning down the class kl trip.

the night before camp as i prayed before i went to bed. i prayed it God would let it go how he wanted it to go, and that i couldn't do anything anymore. i gave up trying, and i just committed everything to God. of course at that point in time it didn't occur to me that it was a superpower i was relying on. i just wanted to get things off my mind and sleep well for the first time in a few days.

sure enough, camp went well.
the activities weren't as fun, but it enjoyed every one thoroughly.
the messages were amazing, and though i was practically sleeping through some, they were the definitely the most fruitful thus far because they got into my head. i wasn't focused on the wrong things.
it wasn't awkward at all too.
and all this,
simply because i gave up.

hard to see sometimes the biggest mistake you make in life is to try too hard.
you know i said life is a road?

maybe its about time you take the backseat and sober up,
and let God do the driving.





thank You, and you.

friendships are forged by the capacity of the heart, tested by the flames of trial, and worn by the waves of time.
i hope this was set it stone.